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Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

As soon as I became a mother, I felt an immediate shift from being judged as a woman to being judged as a mother.  I can’t explain what happened but I can tell you that I felt like a failure instantly.  I don’t want to go into the long version of the story but the feeling of failure came from not being able to breastfeed immediately, Baby J constantly crying and various other little things.  

Motherhood has taught me so much.  The first lesson is that I will never judge other mothers again.  Well, I think that I will judge those that are just plain stupid – I will judge you if you put your children in danger!!  Please don’t be Michael Jackson and hang your child over a ledge and we will be okay.  I am definitely not the mother that I thought that I would be.  I thought that I would be in charge and set schedules and have this perfect child.  Well, I love Baby J to pieces and he brings joy to my life every day, but he is not perfect.  He is extremely demanding.  When I say demanding, I mean it.  I don’t go to the bathroom or do chores without him right by my side.  And for all those naysayers out there who believe that he is spoiled, I invite you to live my life for a few hours and see what you think.  I have tried tough love, I have tried lots of love and nothing has seemed to work.  He wants to be with me 24/7.  But that is mine to deal with as I see fit. 

I think that as mothers we have a tendency to have strong feelings about different things.  For instance, breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, cloth vs. disposable diapers, co-sleeping vs. crib and these are just a few topics that the boards on babycenter.com and others will discuss. I think, at the end of the day, that we all want the same thing – a healthy, happy child.  And as mothers, we should band together rather than judge others.  The saying, “walk in her shoes” exists for a reason and we should try to remember that!

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I am not one to really like getting “advice” from other parents so I am not going to give any advice in this post.  However, I will provide some insight from my personal experience so far.  I was savoring the newborn time in which Hunter would be awake for 6 hours straight and when I was getting like 3-4 hours sleep a day.  I felt like I was a hero for being so selfless.  I was living in the moment and not thinking that this was not going to last forever.  Now that we are at 7 weeks, I am now realizing that this moment and experience will change tomorrow or even later today.  Hunter is now sleeping for long(er) hours and eating much more at each sitting.  He is cooing and “talking”.  He tries to laugh and is much more active with this arms and legs.  It feels like just yesterday he was only smiling or “talking” when I coaxed him rather than him doing it on his own.  Just when I get used to one thing, Hunter has moved on to doing something new.  I have learned to savor every moment and cherish the time I have now with Hunter as an infant as it is fleeting.

Motherhood is the best job I have ever had and some days I feel like nothing else exists aside from Hunter and myself.

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The title is just for dramatic purposes.  Breastfeeding is turning out to be a great experience for myself and Hunter.  It did not start out that way and there were times in which I really thought that we would end up having a formula fed only baby.  It started out with the jaundice.  Hunter had to be in a phototherapy light booth all day aside from 20-30 minutes for feedings.  Let me just start by saying that first time mothers don’t have any idea what we are doing.  At least this first time mother had no idea what she was doing and to be put under pressure to breastfeed her baby in 20-30 minutes was daunting.  It would take me 20-30 minutes to get him to latch on sometimes.  And then after bringing Hunter home I thought he was doing great with breastfeeding.  We found out he had lost weight since coming home which means I was not being productive with the breastfeeding.  Again, thoughts of quitting went through my head.  (more…)

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Test 2 Mar 09_2I have spoken to numerous women my age who have gotten pregnant and they have had no issue.  They throw out the birth control and a few months later they are pregnant.  If only life was that easy.  My husband, Tom, and I figured we would start trying right after my 30th birthday, which was September 2006.  He had planned a trip to Nice, France for my birthday and we didn’t want me pregnant for my first trip out of the country (Canada and Mexico don’t count = no passport needed at that time). 

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